It was just another fight, so normal to me that it was like walking, or breathing„I was just going through the motions praying itd stop, searching for the right words to end the madness but what I didn’t know then was that nothing I could have ever said would have appeased your anger. It was so normal but something was different, I could see it in your eyes..you weren’t yourself, you were using again. I know those beautiful eyes like the back of my hand, i had stared into those eyes for too long to not notice that empty heartless look in them..but I kept quiet, I learned to keep quiet about your disgusting behavior a long time before this. That look though, that’s what scared me the most, not the physical or verbal abuse, no I could handle that, I was used to all that..but that look, I’d never seen it before, pure hatred, like I said, heartless. That scared me the most, I knew you were out of control, your eyes screamed it, your face so contorted and angry, this was not the person I loved, this was a troubled soul driven out of control by one of the devils many devises. I still wake up practically every single night because I see those eyes, it never gets better, it’s so real and just as terrifying as the moment it happened. You almost killed me that night, I’d seen you mad daily but this time it was different, I’m sure you don’t remember and I think it’s better that way, I would never want anyone, not even you, the doer of the act, to ever have any memory of such a that moment that will forever haunt me. It wasn’t you and no one could ever understand, I don’t even understand how I am still so devotedly in love with you, but I know you too well. I wish I didn’t know that side of you, I wish I didn’t know about that beautiful caring person buried deep underneath years of betrayal and drug use..because that is the person I love & it is such a fucking helpless feeling knowing you’re in there and all the potential and love that has been thrown away..for what? So you can get high and forget about the world, forget about me? Such a cowardly way to go about life it disgusts me..I always tried to tell you how strong and wonderful of a person you were but you could just never believe it, it breaks my heart but I’ve learned to accept the heart ache for what it is and move on with my own life. I will love you forever and I will never give up hope..ever.