My “Final” Word on Him
Clearly this won’t be my final word, but this, I think, is the final state I will be in for a while. The final way I will have myself think about him, the situation, and our future. It needs to be.
I need to face it. I’m being immature about this. Maybe it’s because he was my first love and it just affects me way more than it affects him. Maybe it’s just because I’m a girl with a lot of emotions. But no matter what the reason is, I need to stop whatever it is I’m doing.
Not move on—lets face it, I will never be able to get over him—but move forward.
But I can’t give up. I’m not sure what it is. Maybe it’s stupid and immature. Maybe it’s a mistake. But I just can’t give up hope. I can’t stop thinking, “we belong together.”
And maybe he’s not thinking anything like this. Maybe he’s happier now. Maybe he has some realization going through his head like, “she’s not the one anyway.”
But I don’t. And I’m not ready to give up on us.
But I’m going to keep my distance. I’ll let you live your life. I get it, you’re lost. But I’m going to wait for you to find the right path again…and then I’m going to be there waiting at the end of it. Because for some reason I just feel like I need to keep holding on. I need to keep the possibility of us alive.
I guess I always knew this wouldn’t work out. I figured one of us would go abroad and we wouldn’t be able to handle it. Or one of us would meet someone else…someone closer.
But I just can’t stop thinking that it’s a mistake to give up hope. It’s a mistake to cut you out of my life. It’s a mistake to stop loving you.
Something inside me won’t give up. So I’ll let you go. I hope you find happiness. I hope your future is bright. And I hope I’m in it.